why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
