doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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