hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
