My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
