my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
