i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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