I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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