I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
