theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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