Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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