all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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