i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
