I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
