Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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