you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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