how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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