Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This toilet bowl is my home.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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