Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
