He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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