I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
