You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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