The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
