the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
