I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
