Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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