thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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