Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
