thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
