It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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