epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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