Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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