I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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