do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
