He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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