Apparently you make a good broom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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