I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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