i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
