i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
