I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there's paper in my vomit.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
