Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
