dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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