Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
