the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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