I just threw up on my dentist
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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