I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
