here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
