I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
