she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
