Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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