Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
