this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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