If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
