I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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