corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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