Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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