Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
