Your tits are I can't wait for
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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