Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
