someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
