I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
