do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
