this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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