just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
