new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
