Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
