alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
